Allow Your Inner Child to Play
It has taken a moment for me to sit and write this. Truthfully, I still have some resistance to sharing my story. Not only is it resistance, but there is some shame and guilt all wrapped up in there too.
So much has happened. Too much to cover in this blog. It has been two weeks, yes two whole weeks since I made Atwood my temporary home. Two long, but short weeks since I told my family goodbye and began to build a new life with the women whose souls, like mine, decided to experience life in prison. The adjustment to prison life has gotten easier. I have quickly learned how to follow and stay in line with all the written and unwritten rules. However, just when I think I know what’s what...BOOM! There is something else.
This morning as I am checking on the callouts (appointments that have been scheduled for you for the next day), an officer approached me and asked me my name, number, and what room I am in. My heart dropped. I thought I was in trouble for something I didn’t even know I had done. He then asked me if I had been drinking. My response, "I wish." We both laughed and then he took out a breathalyzer. This was the first time I had ever taken one. Luckily, I was sober. LOL. Apparently, this is a standard random procedure.
Also, SIS (the Special Investigative Supervisor) was in the building looking for drugs. Just a day in the life of a federal women's prison, I guess. Obviously, this is new to me.
On Saturday there was a big cornhole tournament being held here. Cornhole is a BIG deal here at camp. A REALLY big deal. I played in the first round but was eliminated pretty quickly. As the evening went on, more and more women began to come outside. Some for the tournament, some for a walk, some just sat, and a large group started a game of volleyball. It seemed like over half of the camp was outside, having fun, enjoying a small semblance of FREEDOM.
As I watched everyone play, smile, laugh, and commune with the others outside, I was reminded of how important it is to allow your inner child to play. See, early in the day, there was a small, heated argument over the bathroom. What started as a community meeting ended in an argument between some of the residents on my floor. The energy was thick and heavy. However, once everyone went outside you could feel the energy shifting. The mood lightened. The "little girls" were at peace.
Since I have been here these past two weeks, I have played more than I have in a very long time. I remember as a young child playing outside at my grandmother's house with my cousin; climbing trees, playing kickball, and playing on the swing set.
My little girl needed this. My little girl longs for the times when she can just BE. When she can just play. When she can feel FREE!
