Change Your Mind, Change Your Life
Weekends seem to be a getting a little better now, as in they seem to be moving by a little quicker. I think I finally have a good weekend routine, which honestly consists of nothing to tell you the truth. My routine of cleaning my room, working out, playing cards, reading, talking and taking classes this past weekend felt like it moved quickly, which is always a good thing.
This past weekend seemed to be filled with a lot of conversations. On Saturday I realized that I had been in conversation with some ladies for almost three hours. Before I knew it, it is was almost count time. This was not the only time I found myself in group conversations this weekend. I was actually apart of a few. Although time filling, sadly the conversations were eye opening in a way that I would have never imagined.
Not to be too specific, but the overall takeaway from both conversations were that some people never change. I listened to young women talk about the lifestyles they lived outside of prison and how in essence they were going to continue that lifestyle once they left. Some even expressed their disappointment with not being able to currently continue those lifestyles. I was actually shocked and disappointed.
For me, this experience as been traumatizing. In one way I could I see myself returning to this place. In no way can I justify anything being worth the return. The time and pain that my family and I have endured is in no way worth it. I guess I assumed that was the case for most women. But, over the weekend I learned that was not true.
The conversations took me back to when one of the girls was about to leave to go home. Everyone was standing at the door wishing her goodbye. Someone said to her, "don't come back." Her response was, "you don't have to worry about me, I will not be back." One of the officers was nearby and overhead the exchange. He inserted himself into the conversation by saying, "that is what they all say." At the time I was shocked by his response, but now I understand where that may have came from.
Recidivism rates are high. There are so many women who talk about the numerous prison stints that have had. Many are here on violations, others were here ten to fifteen years ago. You see women who did ten years, get out and return within a few months. It is crazy. What is even crazier is that the system is designed to keep you here. There is nothing therapeutic about this environment.
Since we are at a camp there is so much freedom, but that is by design. At this security level a person is one step out of the door, back into society where a person should be able to make his or her own decisions. There is not a need for the person to be told what to do every moment of the day. Here, self motivation and being self directed is required. Being here requires a certain mentality; one that is more independent and intrinsically motivated.
It is this same mindset and mentally that shifts a person's lifestyle from one of crime to one of integrity. A shift in perspective where a person decides that he or she wants something different and then chooses to take action to create that difference. That is the biggest hole I see in the system. There are initiatives here to give people new job and trade skills but very few programs and services to give them new mindsets. That is actually were the real work is. That is where the real change occurs. That is where we will see recidivism rates decline and where people will go out into the world and use their prison experience to make a difference. This is true FREEDOM!
