Hide & Seek
I am a hider. Yes, me. I try really hard to hide my truth. I try to hide my power, my wisdom, everything. Usually, I fail because I am always discovered. If my life were a game of hide and seek it is like I am the one hiding behind a curtain, but you can plainly see that there is something there. Even in here, I have been found out. Staying in my room, eating alone, walking the track solo...failed. The ladies are starting to see me and they are asking me to step up.
So I had several of my friends send me some books to do a book club on entrepreneurship. I got the books, I have been reading and prepping, but I slid the books all the way to the back of my bed, because I was just not ready yet. I was waiting on the study companions I needed to create questions; I need to, I need to, I need to. I had a million excuses about what I need to do before I could start. But then this week I got called out twice. "Hey Sharita, when are we starting the book club?" "Hey Sharita, I got the yoga book, I need you to teach the postures for the class on Saturdays." What? Not the universe calling me out from behind the curtain. Already? But...I am not...Not what? Prepared? Because I am. Because I don't have time? Not true. I have nothing but time. Not...I can not even find an excuse. The only "reason" is that I do not feel like I am enough. I don't know enough. I am not smart enough. All bullshit! All lies. My ego is doing a doozy on your girl up in here.
And let me tell you how funny God is. Today, in a class I was taking, we were instructed to write a letter to ourselves as if we were our own best friend. The instructions were to act as if you were receiving a letter from your BFF. What would your BFF say about you? I wrote the letter with my friend L in mind. I imagined myself opening a letter or email and reading it. She has such a way with words that what I wrote paled in comparison, but it was something. Then, it happened. I opened my email later in the day and BOOM! There was a letter from L telling me all types of yummy goodness about myself. All the yummy goodness she has witnessed throughout the years. All the yummy goodness she still sees in me now. The same yummy goodness that the ladies here see. The same goodness I am struggling to see in myself.
Then I asked myself...What if I knew? What if I believed? How would I show up? How would I feel? What barriers do I need to remove so that I can see myself as God sees me? What will it take for me to come out of hiding?
