The More Things Change
Over the past couple of days, I have been thinking a lot about change. And before I even begin with what I'm about to say, let me issue a disclaimer. This is not a judgment, simply MY observation and experience. I usually don't like to qualify my statements, but I feel like I should just in case to avoid confusion. Also, please know I am still unpacking this and seeking clarity for myself.
The other day I did a video call and had the opportunity to see my family. On the call I asked my mom how everything was going at the house and her response was, "same ole same ole." Well, I did not think much about the statement until the next day. I know this response is her standard response, but as my day unfolded, I got more clarity.
Fast forward, I received an email from a friend where detailed something that had occurred recently. The situation involved a mutual associate of ours that has a history of not taking responsibility for mishaps, and often deflects when confronted to avoid accountability. We have always noticed this, and in some ways expect the behavior at this point. Given the history, we also have an understanding of why the mutual associate behaves in that manner. When my friend explained what happened, I responded with, "[INSERT NAME] does what [INSERT NAME] does." Or as my girls say, the behavior was "On Brand." Simply put, they are doing what we expect based on history.
This reminded me of the Maya Angelou quote, "when people show you who they are believe them." I have been away almost a month. And I remember being so worried about missing out or how much things would be so different or change while I am away. And of course physically things are changing, but on a core level have they really? Even with myself. I am PHYSICALLY in a different location, I am away from my normal everyday life, but at my core have I really CHANGED?
When I first got here, I was so intrigued at how the women adapted so quickly. Let me tell you these are modern day engineers up in here. Tampons become wash sponges; dental floss becomes thread. Oh, and a mop head, well my dear that is a bathmat. Humans are so amazing in that our survival skills kick in and we adapt quickly. And although our physical environment changes, we find a way to maintain things in the "same" way. Even here, on the inside, I watch the behaviors and conversations and can almost imagine that person in the outside world. It is intriguing. For many, this is now their world. They brought all off them, their whole self, to prison.
Now this "thing," I am not sure what to call it, I am guessing ego, is deceptive because one believes that he or she has changed because they are in prison. I am not sure they've have changed but adapted and learned to cope. Which explains why there are high recidivism rates. I can't tell you how many women here have been incarcerated before. Some have just finished doing one bid and are working on the next. Change is challenging, but not impossible. However, in here there is nothing to support a person in truly changing, we simply learn to adapt.
I am fortunate enough to be armed with a box of tools and skills to support in my shift. I also am blessed that I have a tribe that sends me things to read to keep me on the right path. I have recommitted myself to my daily spiritual practice and have expanded on it as well. I refuse to return "The SAME."
In a group session I was in this week, a lady responded, "this (coming to prison), cannot be for nothing. I have to leave a better person."
My sentiments exactly!
