Blessings in the Storm
It has been a couple of days since I've had the motivation to sit at the computer and write. This has been a rough week. This week has been rough because I missed two important dates, Marci's birthday and Vanessa's first day of school for the new year. My heart has been hurting as I so wish I could have been present for these moments. As sat back and thought about it, I have never missed the first day of school for any of my children since I became a mom. We have a tradition of standing at the door in new first day of school gear. The girls then hold up their fingers which represent the grade level they are starting.
I gave myself permission to grieve and sit with the sadness I was experiencing. To support me in my grieving process, I decided to walk the track, alone, no music, to just feel. I made it about two laps when another walker approached me and asked me how I was doing. I was honest and shared with her exactly how I was feeling. As I was speaking tears formed in my eyes and my voice began to crack. The lady, who is from India, then began to speak very encouraging worlds. She reminded me to have gratitude for the fact that my daughters have a family around to support them, to take them to school, to care for them, etc. She spoke about how I will have other first days of school and birthdays to celebrate and be there. She talked about how Americans have commercialized and capitalized everything and how in her culture they did not focus so much on "the first day of school" because learning is a lifelong process which never stops and constantly restarts again. You simply move to the next grade. This really helped to put things into perspective, or so I thought.
She then began to talk to me about all the mothers that we are housed with. She shared stories about mothers whose children were taken away because they are incarcerated. Particularly the story of one mother who lost three of her children while she was incarcerated. She told me how hard it was for this mother, but also how she eventually was able to move on. She told me that this woman was anticipating her release, which eventually happened, where she would be able to rebuild her life. This story shook me to my core and made me so grateful that my children are safe.
When I checked my email, I received a message that truly warmed my heart. It was from Marci telling me that Ness had a great day. Marci told me that Vanessa is still in a classroom with two of her best friends, and when they saw each other at school they hugged each other so hard that they all fell to the ground.
I am grateful for my tribe who has surrounded me and my girls with loving care. I am grateful for the big girls for taking care of their little sister. I am grateful for my husband for making sure Vanessa knew what class she was in. Tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity to start again. It is my intention to remind myself of how blessed I am, even in the midst of this storm.
