Doing Time
I was raised as an only child. Therefore, I am really good at being alone. Even at my house, I would sometimes disappear and go into my room; my quiet space. I did that a lot right before I reported to prison. Mainly because I was depressed and had anxiety. I was always thinking about what was going to happen, what my sentence would be, what would happen to my family, my business, etc. What would people think about me? And even though I was physically in my house, I wasn’t really at my home. I mean my body was there, but my mind was somewhere else.
When I first got to prison, I decided I was going to do my time alone studying and working out, but mainly by myself. Everyone does their "time" differently, even those on the outside. Before I "did my time" working and building my business, I really did not take the time to build community or relationships unless it was business related. In here, you can see how people are "doing their time" differently. Some work, some play cards, others crotchet, some read, some make things, some are always on the go, and some sleep all day. Me? I would interact with people but then I would disappear and go off and do my own thing. I was either reading, working out, or writing. I started off with one friend, the lady I came in with that was in quarantine with me. Then I branched out a little and made two or three more friends. What I noticed is that all of my friends were older than me, mostly in their 50s and 60s. It is funny because I have always gravitated towards older women. I think it is because my mother was older when she had me and my grandmother kept me a lot. Also, I was the youngest cousin on my street, so there is that factor.
This week, I have branched out a little. I have started building my community; my tribe. My Bunkie and I have started to talk more and are sharing with each other. And there are the ladies from the prayer service who I always speak to and even go up to and initiate a conversation. Then there are the ladies on my hall who I always pass as I head outside. They would be playing cards. I would speak, but I would keep on walking to my destination. Today, however, I did something different. I stopped and watched them play, and eventually I joined in. I learned how to play Poker (Texas Hold ‘em), which I found fun and it helped some of the time go by.
After nightly prayer, I saw a copy of Our Daily Bread laying around and I decided to grab it. As we were waiting for nightly counts, I turned to the message for the day which read: Ruth 2:5-13 "You left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before." It then went on to say, "Life's circumstances can provide roads to unexpected places far beyond our comfort zone. As we remain connected to God and each other, He'll keep us rooted in love as we support one another."
"I am not my sister's keeper. I am my sister." (Iylana Vanzant). These ladies are my tribe. They are my sisters. They are me. Our souls agreed to go on this part of our journeys together. To teach one another valuable lessons that we all need to evolve. To support one another. To comfort and celebrate one another. It is my intention to commune with others more and to be of service to them. That is a little tough to do when I am hiding. I commit to being more in community with my sisters.
