Furlough Preparation

The past few days have really been a blur. As I have worked on plans for my father's memorial service, I am still in shock. I don't think it will all hit me until I get home. The staff and other inmates here have been very supportive and understanding. They have given me cards, hugs, and condolences for the past two weeks. This has really been helpful since I am grieving alone without my family near me. 

This morning, I found myself feeling a little anxious. When I was at spin class, I felt a little light headed and woozy. I went back to my room to lay down for a while and I could feel my heart beating very fast. I had to sit with myself for a moment and think about what was going on. I have so many mixed emotions about leaving on furlough. There is sadness, anxiety, fear, joy, grief, and so much more. I feel like there is so much going on and I need to collect myself, so I am giving myself permission to sit in silence tonight and in the morning. 

Nothing much is going on here at the camp; same old same old. I have just being hanging with my friends, eating way too much, and chilling with my bunkie.