Let's Get Down To Business
Last night I had the opportunity to teach my first business development class. It was technically week two, but the first week was just the class getting together and doing a pre-test. Business Development is one of the four ACE classes being taught this round along with Creative Writing, Resume Writing and Stock Option Trading. I gladly accepted the invitation to teach Business Development when offered. There were only 12 open spots for the course, however, 15 women showed up. They were all eager to learn about starting and growing their businesses.
Since there is a curriculum already developed for the course there was not a lot of prep that was needed on my part. In addition, I have been "doing business" for twenty-five years now. As I told the class, I have had every type of business you can think about. Additionally, I have gone through every up and down you can imagine with business. I have had highly successful businesses, businesses that did not launch, I have been sued, I have dealt with tax issues, I have had great staff, I have had HR issues, and lately, I have been to prison over business. My range is wide. The highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. My intention was to bring all of my knowledge, skill, and experience into that classroom.
One thing that I have noticed about myself is that I get very nervous right before I am about to teach or speak, especially when it is something new. I did this when I taught kindergarten, I felt it when I was a professor, and that feeling still lingers even here.
This morning, I was sitting with what that thing is. The pit in the bottom of my stomach that almost hopes something happens and the class gets canceled. Last night I even had a small sigh of relief when I arrived and the door was locked. Commitment to my word and the students made me seek out a guard to open the door. Preparation is not the issue. I had actually spent about an hour creating an agenda for the evening and even wrote everything on the three whiteboards in the room.
After sitting alone for a while in my own thoughts, I identified what I was experiencing was fear of "not enough." Not successful enough, not smart enough, not experienced enough, not successful enough, and fear that I think I know more than I really do. "Who is she to tell someone about business when she is in here with us?" Yep...a classic case of good old impostor syndrome. My highly sophisticated ego was doing a number on me.
I pretend to be cool, calm, and collected, but on the inside, I was dying. From the looks of it, everyone seemed to be learning and pleased. Even as I walked through the halls afterward attendees came up to me telling me how much they loved the class. Several people asked me if they could come even if they are not in it. Both of these are good signs. It is also evidence that I am harder on myself than others.
