New Year! New Mind!

I have always hated the saying "New Year, New Me," so I am not going to say that. What I am going to say is, "I AM GOING HOME THIS YEAR!" 2023 is here and as my mom says, "we in the short rows." Let's do this. 

Around 11 pm on NYE I headed to the computer lab to check my email. When I got there the room was packed. Everyone was waiting for the ball to drop. There was laughter, joy, singing, smiling, chatting, you name it. I debated staying up until midnight, but I knew after feeling the energy, I wanted to be apart of it. I wanted to take it all in. Earlier in the day I struggled to remember where I was last NYE. I didn't want to forget this one. I would not say, "I was sleep." No ma’am. 

After I finished my email, I headed upstairs to get my bunkies. One wanted to go back down, the other did not. We got back to the TV room around 11:45 pm to be in the mix. As we watched the performances we chatted about how one day we would meet in NY to see it live and in person. The closer it got to midnight the more exciting it became. Around 100 women all waiting together for the famous ball to drop. It was so invigorating. 10,9,8,7,6...people began to stand on their feet, they stood in chairs, their smiles so huge. And the energy of hope filled the room! 5, 4, 3, 2,1! Happy New Year! We were jumping up and down, dancing, screaming, and hugging. I will never forget that moment. I turned to hug my bunkie and she whispered, "we made it." Her eyes sparkled as that meant another year down off of her 10 year bid. As we walked out, a few of us short timers saw each other. We hugged and yelled, "We going home this year, bitch." LOL! Then, we all began to run back to our rooms because we had count at 12 am nightly. We were really pushing it because the count guard had already arrived. We got back to our floor and turned off the lights. Luckily, I made it back to my room and in my bed when I saw the flashlight approaching. 

Overall, the actual day was good. I was served a holiday meal that consisted of roast beef, chicken wings, cabbage, and apple pie. Later in the day I worked on my vision board which I try to do every New Year's Day, so I wanted keep the tradition. I attempted to have a video call with my family, but we had some technical difficulties. It was fine because I got to see their faces which was the best way to start my new year. I also got to rest a lot and ready to think about the year ahead.

Shifting gears a bit:

To kick off the new year I am going on a diet and probably not the kind you are thinking. Years ago when I attended Inner Visions Institute of Spiritual Development we completed a diet during the month of Jan. This wasn't a diet for your body that people normally partake in around the new year, this was a different type of diet. The 30-Day Mental Diet by Willis Kinnear. 

For the next 30 days I will partake in this diet and journal it here. This is not just a means of continuing to document another layer of my prison journey, but also to hold me accountable. So join me, take out your pen and paper and follow along. 

Day 1- Jan 1st, 2022

Who You Are

You Are More Than You Think You Are

I am more than what I saw in the mirror this morning. I am more than what people see when they see me. I am more than a 5'6" black woman with a big bootie, curly hair, and pretty smile. I am more than my degrees, my titles, or my accomplishments. I am more than my thoughts or my feelings. I am more than my mind. 

I am apart of something bigger. I am apart of the bigger mind, the Christ Mind, the Infinite, all encompassing, everlasting, omni-present mind of God. 1 Corinthians 3:16 - Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? This is not only a question but a command. It is a charge to remember the truth of who I am. The I am, that I am. The "I" that lives, breathes and has its being in and through me as me. "I am that I am." When Kanye said that he was Jesus people thought he was crazy, but it is true, not just for him but for us all, including me. I am a living, breathing example of God. I am a particularly, purposefully made, handcrafted expression of something bigger.

11:15 am: The morning has but begun. However, I have been very mindful of my thoughts, actions, and words; especially my thoughts and words. Because there are so many women here and not a lot going on it is easy to find yourself gossiping, complaining or engaged in non-productive/dark conversations. I too have been guilty of that in the past. However, as a part of my diet, I am remembering the truth of who I am and what I am part of. That my mind is light, positivity, and joy. There were many opportunities this morning to engage in low vibrational conversation, either by starting them or participating in them. However, I choose to be in integrity with my truth. I remembered who I was and pivoted to see and feel the loving essence of the parties being talked about and those I thought about talking about.

2:04 pm: I had a video visit with my family that I had technical difficulties with. I was very frustrated because I really wanted to do the call. Even in the midst of the call, I tried to keep myself calm and remember who I was and that this was a very small thing in the grand scheme of life. I tried to pivot my feelings of sadness about the call, however shortly after I got off I realized I was in the middle of a fight. Two ladies had scheduled the next video slot on the same computer I was getting off of. I quickly removed myself from the confusion. Unfortunately, the fight broke out. Of course it was the talk of the camp, but I remained focused on the truth of who I am.