NYE with Gayle
It is the last day of 2022. I say that with both gratitude and excitement. 2022 has definitely been an interesting and challenging yet freeing year for me. I can't lie, I am ready for it to be over and I say that in humility. In just a few hours I will be able to officially say, "I am coming home this year!" Yeah baby.
But before I head into the New Year I would like to give a special shoutout to 2022. You did your thing baby! You knocked it out of the park! LOL! You brought me closer to freedom. You got me closer to truth and authenticity. You supported me in coming out of the dark and into the light and for that, I am so grateful. But, there are a few things I am going to leave with you. I gladly leave you with depression and anxiety. I give over the fear of judgment. You can have and forever keep unworthiness and not enough. We are done.
Today, as I was reading a book that was gifted to me by someone who has also done federal time, I was met with a chapter about childhood trauma. This became a clear siren for me to move in that direction and do some work on my inner child. Yesterday, during one of my classes, this question came up: "What things from your childhood are playing out in your life today?" That question had me in deep contemplation all day. And when I got to the chapter about childhood trauma in the book I knew that was a call to action.
I began to think about what "doing the work" would look like for me while I am incarcerated. I contemplated asking my family to send a book. I thought about going to see a psychologist. Then I read in the book where Oprah said Gayle was her therapist and she was hers. I prayed, "God, send me a Gayle in here to support me doing the work." God responded, "I already did; your work wife." I got up, went to her room, and with tears in my eyes I asked her to be "my Gayle."
My work wife, aka "Gayle," has been doing a lot of trauma work since she came here a year ago. And although we are an unlikely pair, she is the perfect "Gayle" for me. We sat in her room for about two hours talking about our childhood, laughing, planning, and dreaming. We even decided that we want to take road trips together just like Oprah and Gayle. She, like me, has always dreamt of taking a cross-country trip in a Volkswagen van. I have always wanted to visit all the national parks. We picked out the van, even picked the color and a name, The Atwood. As we dreamt about traveling across the country, we also envisioned stopping at women's prisons along the way and podcasting our conversations as we went.
In the abundant way that the universe always provides, of course, today I would receive an email from an old college friend and spiritual sister. The perfect person to support and a teacher for "Gayle" and me on our journey. Look at God's timing! Wow! His grace is more than enough. It is exceedingly above anything I could ask or think.
Thank you 2022! See you soon 2023!
