Parenting in Separation
Today has been a very stressful day. As far as prison life, there is nothing new happening. The only thing eventful that happened was a new tv room opened on my floor, actually right outside of my room. Five brand new televisions are now available for us to watch sports, news, and other shows. At first I was worried about the noise since they are so close, but I think I am going to enjoy the convenience of not having to watch tv on the 2nd floor.
Class and work were just blah. We do have a new tutor who is volunteering. Sadly, she is going to be my work wife's replacement when she leaves. I say sadly, because I really love working with my current coworker, but all things must come to an end. I do realize that once she leaves, I will be going behind her. I guess change, no matter the circumstance, is always challenging.
I returned to see my case manager today about my FSA update sheet and it was still not available. She stated that I was one of about a dozen people who did not have a sheet and that they would need to contact the central office to find out why my calculations are not available. At first this made me a little depressed because I really want to see my date ON PAPER.
My concern about my credit update was overshadowed by my conversation with my daughters regarding Ness. The principal requested a meeting to discuss what was going on with our family and Ness. He mentioned that he had seen a change in her behavior; she was more aggressive. They discussed the fact that this is typical pre-teen behavior, but also did not want to ignore the possibility that she may be acting out due to our separation. This really concerned me all day. This has been my biggest fear and the thing that has caused me the most anxiety. The school is extremely supportive and wanted to know how they could support her, and although I am appreciative, it is still a conversation a family never wants to have with the school. My daughter and I also spoke about the stress my mother has on her from trying to take care of my step-father, whose health is declining while supporting Ness during her pre-teen years. And although my family tells me not to worry, I can help but to do so. This whole situation has been very stressful for me and my family. I am just grateful that we are slowly, but surely, coming to the end of it.
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30 Day Mental Diet - Day 13
Stop Being Afraid
Don't Defeat Yourself
I can live confidently and not have to live in the "fog of anxiety." I am extremely careful about the type of life I choose to live because I am the co-creator of it. Life only desires the best for me and I do not have to live in fear. I am confident that I can live a life of peace, love and joy.
Today's concern is around my absence from my family. I am fearful of the trauma this experience may have caused them, especially my daughter. However, I can choose to have confidence that life is always happening for me. The is nothing in life that is holding anything against me, my family or my daughters. Even in the challenging times, I confidentially know that life is on my side. The power that made and sustains me also makes a smooth, clear, easily and effortless way for my family and me.
