Standing on my Own
I have been in a little funk the past couple of days. My bunkie has too. I really don't know why, but I have. Today, I took some time to myself. I snuck away from everyone and found a quiet spot that I could just be with myself and my thoughts. Next week, I will have been here three months. Time is moving fast but slow at the same time. While I am ready to leave, I am also savoring this time because before I know it, it will have passed by. This time I have all to myself. Just with me, myself, and I...well, and my bunkie and the twenty plus women on my hall. LOL!
But this week has been a little...blah. Outside of me missing home, I just really feel alone. I miss my family and friends so much. I mainly miss the ocean deep conversations that I had with someone almost daily. The conversations where I could just talk, with no judgement, no holding back, and I could just be myself. Here, I feel alone. I watch my words and interactions with people. I give a little, but not too much because, well…these ladies are weird. I have said this before, but I when I say I am in a middle school full of middle aged women that is an understatement.
Everyday it seems like there is some type of mess going on. The smallest molehills become mountains. A wrong look, a stare, anything. It is absolutely ridiculous. A part of it, I believe, is out of boredom. There is really not a whole lot to it. If you aren't a person that knows how to entertain yourself, you can really get into a bunch of mess. My solution to that is to stay to myself, in my own little world. Me, My Brain, My Books, My Pen & Paper. The sad thing is that none of these things talk back to you. LOL. The good thing is, maybe I don't need them to.
However, this weekend I was a little more productive in my self work. The quiet alone time gave me a chance to work through some of the ideas that I have. I also had the chance to get back into my workouts. When I came here, I had goals. And no matter where you are there is always the opportunity to get distracted. I am working on being more intentional about staying focused on me. Because before I know it this will be over, and it is my intention to make this time matter.
