TGIF
Today, my youngest daughter's dad/my co-defendant reports to prison to begin his lengthy sentence. My heart aches for my child. Although my stay is short and I will soon be home, it is unfortunate that her story reads, "both of my parents were incarcerated." And though I trust that God knew exactly what He was doing when He created her and that she chose this path for her life, as a mother I still want the best for her. She is my main concern and my number one priority when I get home, make no mistake about that. She and I will both be in therapy. Incarceration is traumatic for not only the individual, but especially for their children. I am extremely grateful that she has the love and support of her sisters and grandmother at home during this time. Although one day she may read this, I struggled with the decision not to tell her about her father until I return home so that I could support her in the best way possible.
This morning, when I laid in bed, I thought about what it means to be "institutionalized." It is a word that is used often and, I believe, it is also misused very often. Initially, I heard it used as it relates to people with longer sentences, but I now believe that it applies to anyone who has been incarcerated. One aspect of institutionalization that I believe exists is coping. The way people choose to do their time is one way they are coping with their pain of being incarcerated. I have been closely observing how people choose to "do their time," especially their time the closer they get to being released. Today, I sat back and thought about how I am coping and what that looks like for me. I realized that I have coped by staying busy. I have taken so many classes, taught a lot of classes, and filled my days with reading and writing. I am setting the intention to slow down and really be with myself more. So tonight I snuck off, alone, to the GED classroom to journal and read. It took a lot for me to stay present and not rush through the process because I knew that people were probably wondering where I was.
Next week is going to be a glorious week in the history of the FBOP (Federal Bureau of Prisons). I can't wait! The credits will finally update. My camp is even preparing for the immediate releases. There will be people who will be going home next week. I am so happy for them. It is finally here! I am happy for myself as I will finally have an idea of where I stand with my release. I am trusting and believing for the best possible outcome.
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30 Day Mental Diet - Day 6
You Have Great Possibilities
There Are Unlimited Resources Within You
Today, I will use this concept as a reminder that I am limitless. That my life is filled with potential and possibilities beyond anything I could ask or think. I am tuned and tapped into Source that has an endless supply of blessings. The only thing standing in the way of me fully actualizing my potential is myself.
Day 6 has been both timely and the most profound lesson to me so far. Today, I was more conscious and intentional about my thoughts, feelings, and words. When I found myself having a thought that was not positive, I tried to pivot and reframe. As I was thinking about my youngest daughter not having her parents, I began to give thanks for the love and support of my family. I began to think about how grateful I am that I have a mother who is willing to support and care for her in my absence. I also reminded myself to trust God's plan for her life and that she and I both do not have to see this situation as a negative, but we can use it as a life changing opportunity that will be for our good as well as the lives of other. It is not a limitation, but God's perfectly designed plan. It will not hold her back. It will not hold me back as we are connected to the Source of limited possibilities.
