Thanksgiving Eve
It is the day before Thanksgiving. Last night, during yoga, the mantra was "For all of life, I am grateful." While this is true, I can't help but think about the outside. I did not sleep well at all last night. I woke up around 1:30 AM and did not go back to sleep until close to 4:30 AM. Although I thought about all the things I was grateful for, my heart was still sad thinking about what I would be doing on the day before Thanksgiving. Usually, today I would be running around grocery shopping and picking up the last of the items needed for my mom to cool her legendary sweet potato pie. Of everything served on Turkey Day, I will have to admit this is the one thing I am going to miss the most.
I will admit that the talk of the compound is the holiday meal that is being prepared for tomorrow. We are set to have Cornish hens, turkey, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, rolls, and apple pie. Not bad for a prison meal. A few of my friends and I are having our own little dinner too. We are each bringing a dish. I was assigned to the mashed potatoes. My kids love them, so tomorrow I will get to see how well I can whip up prison potatoes. LOL!
Although we have some cool things planned for tomorrow, I still miss the traditional things I do with family and friends. My intention for myself over the next couple of days is to remain grateful and present. To focus on my family here, create memories with them and to feel the love that is all around me. I pray that my family on the outside will do the same. Although we will not be together physically, they are connected to me in a way that miles couldn’t separate.
This experience truly has made me rethink how I spend my holidays and time in general. What matters and who matters most really becomes clearer when you are focused and able to be still. This morning, during GED class, my coworker gave me something to read. It spoke about distractions and losing focus on what is important. She offered me those words without me even saying anything to her. The reading made me reflect on how I have spent my past few holidays: DISTRACTED. Distracted by the what ifs. Distracted by the past. Spending unnecessary money to prepare way more food than we would eat. Posting plates of food on social media. Worried about everything except that which was the most important, family and love.
I know that my holidays will never be the same again as I plan to shift how I show up for them. Yes, I will forever crave and consume sweet potato pie but in a different less commercialized, auto-pilot way. I am also not sure that I desire to even stay in my home, but I would rather travel and go somewhere that we can create different types of memories, should circumstances allow.
