Last Missed Birthday

One of the occasions that has given me the most anxiety since I have been here is Vanessa's birthday. This is the one day that I did not want to be in prison; especially with her turning 10. I was so hoping to be home. Since tomorrow is her birthday it doesn’t look like that will be happening. I have been sad for the past two days. It also does not help that I feel like all of the people who were my sounding boards are not here. So, I don't really have anyone to talk to about how I am feeling to help me process everything. 

I am fortunate that she has sisters and we have friends in the event industry that are helping to get things together. They are planning her party. Vanessa seemed to be a little indecisive about what she wanted to do. Eventually, she told everyone that she wished her mom was home because I would know how to plan her party. LOL! While this was funny, it also made me very sad. 

We will be working today; working on our next event which is Monday. I am actually happy about this because it helps to keep me busy and takes my mind off of what I am missing at home. Luckily, this is the last birthday I will miss because this is probably the hardest thing I have had to do.