Little Sister

I’m in a room full of people, and yet I feel so alone. This lonely feeling isn't new to me; it has been my way of life growing up as an only child. I was surrounded by my cousins who lived within arms reach of my childhood home, but I was the only grandchild without a sibling. I felt then, and still feel, lonely.

Today, that feeling is present in a loud way because I am grieving the departure of my little sister. This morning at 4 am, my buddy, my girl departed the building. This one hit me hard. Now we all know that I do not have a biological sister, but the two of us have grown close since I came to prison. We have loved, laughed, and fought like sisters. Her mother and I even have the same last name. Talk about coincidence. LOL! She has gone home now, back to her family, and there is an empty place in my heart that misses her. But, I will carry her in my heart for the remainder of my sentence and beyond. 

I have made and lost some beautiful relationships throughout my journey here in prison; some for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. I have come to the knowing, stronger than ever, that there is one relationship that needs more time, attention, and care. That is my relationship with myself. Therefore, in the wake of the departure of many of the people I have been close with, I have decided that the one person that is not going to leave and I will always be with is ME. So I need to love on her a little more. 

I decided today to no longer count my days. No more keeping up with how many days and a wake-up I have. Instead, I am choosing to focus on the present day and moment. It is my intention to be more present, more in love, more aware of the only time/moment I have, which is the one I am in. For the past few weeks, I have been motivated by my preliminary release date. I have counted every day several times throughout the day, essentially wishing days that I may not be guaranteed away.