This week, I have branched out a little. I have started building my community, my tribe. My Bunkie and I have started to talk more and are sharing with each other. And there are the ladies from the prayer service who I always speak to and even go up to and initiate a conversation. Then there are the ladies on my hall who I always pass as I head outside. They would be playing cards. I would speak, but I would keep on walking to my destination. Today, however, I did something different. I stopped and watched them play, and eventually I joined in.

…calls are hard for me because it forces me to come face to face with what I left behind. It is a reminder of my home, the love, my children, my parents, everything that I am currently away from. Calls force to me feel feelings that quite frankly I do not want to feel. The unresolved guilt that brings tears to my eyes every time I get off the phone. The pain and trauma of this experience that I am still processing. And that is the truth of why I do not call as much. I am hiding.

I started reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X a couple of days ago and I can't put it down…His prison experience completely changed his life. He even says in his autobiography that it saved his life. I truly believe the same is happening for me. Actually, I know it is. I can already feel the weight of the world lifting from my shoulders and for the first time in a long time I am truly still.

It is amazing what can be done with a pack of tuna, instant rice, and Asian sauce. And you thought Starbucks could whip up a mean frap? Oh no honey, you’ve obviously never had a prison frap with ice that was crushed between the door jam. And all I hear about is how everyone is ready for the air conditioners to go off and the heaters to come on. Apparently, there are plans brewing to make some mean grilled cheese sandwiches and quesadillas. We have a whole food court up in here.

So, me and my happy hips are going to the basement to the Education Department. Not exactly the illustrious university faculty position I just left, but hey, I have to use this degree somehow. And...as I was sitting with my decision this weekend, something (my soul) said, "be who you are no matter where you are." Ase'

…when I conducted my morning email check, I had received a message from my daughter. In the message she said, "momma you just have to climb this last mountain." This brought tears to my eyes because whenever I was down while I was fighting my case, my husband would say, "You got this. You have just one more mountain to climb. It is a big one, but you can do it. Soon this will all be over."

I am fortunate enough to be armed with a box of tools and skills to support in my shift. I also am blessed that I have a tribe that sends me things to read to keep me on the right path. I have recommitted myself to my daily spiritual practice and have expanded on it as well. I refuse to return "The SAME.”

I gave myself permission to grieve and sit with the sadness I was experiencing…The lady [then] began to speak very encouraging worlds. She reminded me to have gratitude for the fact that my daughters have a family around to support them, to take them to school, to care for them. She spoke about how I will have other first days of school and birthdays to celebrate and be there.

I then shared with her a construct I learned from Brene Brown, foreboding joy. Many of us are on auto-pilot mentally. The moment we feel joy, we automatically begin to think of something negative.

I have come to peace with this. I will walk out of here when I am complete. My release is not for a physical place. My release is from a spiritual place that surpasses all understanding.

The camera then panned the room, and my youngest daughter and granddaughter entered the screen. And that’s when IT happened. IT are the tears that flowed so I could feel them running down my cheeks. IT is what I promised myself I was not going to do. But I could not hold it in, and honestly, I didn’t want to.

It was her voice that has helped me get this far. It was her voice that said all the right things at just the right time. It was hearing her say, "You got this Rosebud.”

As I watched everyone play, smile, laugh, and commune with the others outside, I was reminded of how important it is to allow your inner child to play.