Cherish the Day
As soon as a new month would begin, I would already have my mind on the next month. I did not appreciate time. All of this changed when I found out my dad was dying. I wanted time to stop. I wanted to slow it down. I wanted for us to have as much time with him as we could. I even prayed that the day would never end.
Furlough Recap
What a blessing it was to furlough for 72 hours in order to attend my father's memorial service. I am grateful that I was granted the opportunity to go home to be with my family. 72 hours is not the standard length of most furloughs; it is usually about 48 hours. However, because of the distance, my case manager was able to secure a longer furlough time for me.
Temporary Release
My anxiety is increasing by the day as I prepare to leave on a furlough. I now see what those who were going home for good were talking about. There is the fear of something happening, something changing at the last minute, and your opportunity being taken.
Furlough Preparation
The past few days have really been a blur. As I have worked on plans for my father's memorial service, I am still in shock. I don't think it will all hit me until I get home. The staff and other inmates here have been very supportive and understanding. They have given me cards, hugs, and condolences for the past two weeks.
The Cycle of Life
It has been a couple of days. A lot has happened. I lost the first man that I knew really loved me. I have spent the last few days planning a funeral from prison, something I never would have ever imagined I would be doing.
The End of This Journey
As things continue to progress we are coming to the end of the journey with my dad. He has been so, so good to me and my daughters. He took me and my girls on as if I were his, for that I am so grateful.
My Bunkie Is Back
Today, I can officially say that I have my old bunkie back; my second one, the one I call the Baddest Bunkie. I am very happy about that because in the midst of everything going on it feels good to be able to be in the room with my closest friend.
Heartbreaking News
I did not expect the news that I received today. My mother informed me that my stepfather is being released from the hospital to go home with hospice care and the doctors gave him about four months to live.
A Time for Everything
The events of these past two weeks now have me refraining from believing that I am missing nothing. Everyone keeps telling me that when we speak, however these past couple of weeks were a gentle reminder that I am missing life. That itself is a lot. I have also been reminded that there is a time for everything; a time to be born and a time to die. Death is the only thing that is promised to us.
Welcome Updates
After I got to work I was asked to go see my case manager. Since we did not have our meeting last week she asked that I come see her to sign off on a few documents. I was happy to do so as we had the opportunity to discuss my release. THANK YOU GOD! That conversation made things real; we are actually discussing my release, the paperwork and dates.
Life Goes On
I was supposed to have my team meeting today, however, with everything going on, that did not happen. Since receiving my credits I need to get more information about my release because I have a new date now which slightly changes my plans. Things are working out and it is looking good for me.
Super Bowl Sunday
Today will be my first and last Super bowl Sunday in the feds. Everyone is excited. The TV room has been decorated with pictures, a huge helmet, a field goal post, and all types of things hanging from the ceiling. It’s about to go down. It amazes me how creative the ladies are in here; how they can take nothing and turn it into something.
Confidence and Connection
A couple of days ago I wrote this question, "what can I be doing now to prepare for my release?" I even asked someone else that question. But, this morning while I was working out, I decided to ask God. "God, what is it that I can do today to prepare me for my tomorrow?" This is what I got. "Confidence and connection." Boom!
Just Another Day at Atwood
My old bunkie is preparing for her visit with her sister today who she has not seen since she has been locked up; six years. She is happy, but filled with anxiety. When she gets anxious, she gets busy. Last night she ran a whole bakery, making cinnamon rolls. I think she made over a dozen of them. They were so good.
Great is My Faithfulness
I feel the weight of the anxiety coming down on me. It has been a long road and there is still more to go, but I would like a little relief. I have been the "go to" and support for a lot of women in here, interpreting policies, explaining their computation sheets, and discussing issues with the unit team, all while not having my own stuff in place. Today, I felt like I needed the type of support that I have been for others. I needed an outlet, so I hit the track and talked to the one who can make it happen...GOD.
Earning Freedom
This morning, I woke up early and finished reading the book Earning Freedom by Michael Santos. In the final chapters of the book Santos talked about his journey to success which began with defining what success meant to him. This encouraged me to think about what success means too.
OG Birthday
My first born had her 25th birthday. In here they call you an OG once you reach 25. During our visit last week she told me that she was not looking forward to her birthday this year because I would not be there. My daughter informed me that this was the first birthday of hers I ever missed. She also wanted to make sure that I did not break our family tradition and that I called her to tell her her birth story, something I do with all of my girls on their special day.
God Did
She is as solid as a rock, unwavering, and dedicated. I will miss seeing her walking to her room, only a few doors down, with her zebra-like hair swaying. She has been a demonstration of what it means to be accountable, focused, committed, and confident; all of the attributes I will continue to strive to improve upon in my own life.
Slow Saturday
Today has been the least exciting and or productive Saturday I have had since being here.
Freaky Friday
I then headed to medical to find out what was going on. The nurse informed me that the appointment was a follow-up because there was an area of concern they wanted to take a closer look at. Hearing this caused me great concern. I tried to stay positive and not stress about it. Although it felt nice to leave the campus, this is not quite the way I wanted to do it. My mind was all over the place. All I could think about was being sick in prison.