When he initiated the recount, I knew it was his way of getting revenge for the giggling and smiling. As he walked down the hall, he stopped in front of one person and asked what her smile was for. She responded, "so we aren't allowed to smile?" This obviously pissed him off even more. Just when we thought the coast was clear, just when I returned to my room to finish reading my paper, he yelled, "Clear the hall. We are having a shake down." SMH. As I packed up my room and walked past the officers, he then said, "I love shake downs, I want to smile too."

Once the signal was given, Queen then took her walk down the long path, through the barbed wire fence that she entered earlier this year. As the van drove off, we looked back and waved. Her smile was so big as she waved her graceful goodbye. The tears began to fill my eyes. I just couldn't contain myself. I guess the others felt the same because they began to cry as well. Wow. Just like that, Queen was free.

Outside of me missing home, I just really feel alone. I miss my family and friends so much. I mainly miss the ocean deep conversations that I had with someone almost daily. The conversations where I could just talk, with no judgement, no holding back, and I could just be myself. Here, I feel alone. I watch my words and interactions with people.

I am not just this super professional, uptight nerd that everyone thinks I am. Even here people say things like…"you seem like you have it all together," "you are so sophisticated," "you are smart," and "I feel like I need to be quiet and Zen when I am around you." I don't always know how to take that because that is just one aspect of me. I think I have worn that mask so long that I really don’t know how to take it off.

My new bunkie is not good for my health. She has been down for a while and she knows all of the prison cuisine recipes. Nightly, instead of going to the chow to eat, I am greeted with a hearty and fattening meal in my room. The heater came on a couple of days ago, so the prison kitchens are wide open.

I saw the smiles, heard the laughter, witnessed the tears, and listened closely to the words that poured from the hearts of women who traveled with them through one of life's most challenging times. At one point I was reminded that this moment is temporary. That each one of us would one day say our goodbyes. I imagined us one by one vanishing away. I was reminded that we are souls embodied in flesh and one day our spirits would continue on our travels. 

This past week has been filled with a lot of emotions from anxiety, anger, relief, joy, disappointment, and clarity. For me, I am just grateful. I am grateful that if there was ever a better time to go to federal prison, it is now and that I am able to receive the benefits of the FSA; this means I will not have to serve my full term incarcerated.

Last night I received word that my dog of 14 years had to be put down. My mom told me that he was sick a few days ago. She thought he had a cold. Apparently, it was much more serious. He was suffering from heart failure. Needless to say, reading that email was devastating. Not only because he was gone, but mainly because I was not at home to comfort my family, especially my girls. I felt, and still feel, helpless. 

Even on the inside, everything is a hustle. You need your room cleaned? You can get it. You need your laundry done? Check. Braids? Check. Pedicure? Check. Massage? Check. Everything on the inside, just like the outside, has a price tag on it.

The smile on her face, the brightness in her eyes, how the wind was in her hair, but more than anything the tears that streamed down her face. As she hugged me she just kept saying, "thank you." I was so emotional. But when she said, "I have to call my mom and tell her I did it. I finally did something right," was the moment my tears began to flow.

Today, before one lady left she came to my classroom looking for her friend, who is my student. She hugged a few people and told them goodbye and that she loved them. You could tell that it was a bitter sweet moment. Yes, she was ready to go home, but at the same time she created bonds with the women she was locked up with. These bonds are strong because these women have seen you at your worst. In here, you are naked, no mask. There is only you in your most vulnerable state.

Honestly, this time has been a much needed break for me mentally. I am realizing just how run down and tired I really was. Most of it was because of the stress of the case. Today, on my 60 day anniversary, I got up, did laundry, and went back to bed until 2pm. At home I would have never done this. Here, I give myself permission to do nothing.

In order for us to exit, I had to climb one flight of stairs to get to the main floor. As soon as I entered the stairwell I knew there was something strange happening. When I finally reached the outside of the building, just outside of the green sea of prison uniforms, I saw a van approaching the building. Then out of the van an army of guards exited and told us to line up in a single file line. That is when the fun began.

I am going to keep this short and sweet. On the inside, I DO NOT ENJOY THE WEEKENDS. LOL! This is completely opposite from how it is on the outside. In the "real world" everyone works all week and looks forward to resting and relaxing on the weekends. It also felt like the weekends went by so fast and the week's drug on. In here, it is completely the opposite for me.

The other night I finally fully shared my story, meaning I did not just tell them what my crime was. I was basically sharing my business journey. I got to the part when I got involved in the situation that led me to being involved in my case. When I got in the shower after the conversation I began to process my story and I realized how I got here.

Every day I am talking to women about their business ideas, current businesses, etc. Because it is not as easy to get a good job with a felony on your record so many people are opting to go the entrepreneurial route. Therefore it is only natural that they are starting to think about business while they are here.

"You are the GOAT, because you got these ladies really roaming around looking for answers in the middle of the night." I smiled and went into my room. I am aware that I am A TEACHER. Not just in training, but by calling. My degrees and work experience have only helped me sharpen my iron. But I AM AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A TEACHER.

MY TRIBE IS STRONG! And when I say strong, I mean iron strong. And here is the thing, when they (my tribe) asked me what they could do for me at times I had no idea what to tell them, but when I did they came through.

…my room is approximately 7ft wide and 11ft long. It resembles a dorm room. There are no bars or cells here because again, I am at a camp. The walls are painted grey and the floors are a tan schoolhouse floor. Myself, as well as my bunkie, have a small locker. This locker has ALL of my possessions, clothes, food, toiletries, books, etc. Everything I own has to fit in the locker or under my bed.

I am a hider. Yes, me. I try really hard to hide my truth. I try to hide my power, my wisdom, everything. Usually, I fail because I am always discovered. If my life were a game of hide and seek it is like I am the one hiding behind a curtain, but you can plainly see that there is something there. Even in here, I have been found out. Staying in my room, eating alone, walking the track solo...failed. The ladies are starting to see me and they are asking me to step up.