After my moment of being upset about the move, I reminded myself that life does not happen TO ME, it happens THROUGH ME. I, therefore, sat in contemplation trying to ascertain what the move was about. Why did God move me to another room, which is literally around the corner? What was the separation about?

Today, when I received some of the responses from the people in the group who responded on my behalf regarding the article posted, I was overwhelmed. I spent so much time hiding and being ashamed. I was afraid of what this case would do to my reputation and the brands that I built. As it turns out, the very people I was worried about are the ones standing beside me. Listen, if you did not know, my people do not play about me. God does not play about me. Touch NOT thine anointed one! 

On this journey, I have been blessed to meet some pretty unique and interesting people. One who happens to be one of my students. She has grown to become my teacher's pet. An unsuspecting nerd masked with a tomboy exterior and a “don't give a fuck” attitude. However, behind this exterior there lies a Shakespeare-reading daughter of a published poet who kept the legacy of her love for poetry in the dark, even from her mother.

If you found your way here because of BGC...Welcome! I knew that eventually you would make it to the inside. #BGC4L

I learned from my therapist that "everyone does not have the right to sit at your table; I get to choose." That lesson has been very valuable for me since being here. I have stood in that knowing more now than ever.

As I watched them I thought about when I used to work with the kids at church with dance and how there are so many little girls out there who need these women. Their talents and skills are being contained and locked down. The thought of it all made me sad. I then had to remind myself that this, prison, is a part of their journey and that it will make them so much more powerful once they return.

Every time I call home or check an email my mother is telling me something funny about my Ness. She is growing up so fast. This week has been particularly entertaining. It started off with her receiving a pansexual flag from a classmate. She initially thought it meant that you liked people because of their personality and not because of their sex. After a little research on Google she realized that "like" was not quite what she thought it was and she likes boys like her older sisters.

Leaving day is always special. I find it so beautiful that people put a lot of effort into leaving day, unlike the day you arrive. When you look at the ID badges, which were taken on arrival days, you can see the weight, pain, stress, and anxiety, and it is only a headshot. This is the opposite polarity of the day someone leaves. They spend a whole lot of time prepping their outfits, getting hair, makeup, and nails done. You not only want your family to know that you were okay, but it also represents the transformation to FREEDOM.

With the stars aligned I went back to the Rec Department and expressed my interest in taking over the class. A few weeks later...I host a packed Sunday night Dancerize class. I spend most of my week listening to music and making up routines while I am working out.

See, my co-worker is a middle-aged Caucasian woman who was a former banker. The books tell a story quite foreign to her middle-class, midwestern upbringing. Numerous racial and social class issues are touched upon in the book that were enlightening to her, including diversity, violence in inner-city neighborhoods, and police brutality. She stated that her eyes were opened to all of these issues. I was able to share some of my personal experiences as a teacher, Black American, and mother of Black girls. It was a rich and eye-opening conversation for both of us.

My second, and favorite part of my day, was the face-to-face visit I received from my husband. As a part of his multi-state holiday visiting tour, he added KY as a stopped and visited me. I was really happy. The last time I saw him face to face was on the morning he dropped me off here. Sure we have video visits, but it was not the same. There were two things that stood out for me during our visits: the way his eyes light up when he sees me and his consistent desire for me to remain happy, rested, and peaceful when I return home. 

The highlight of my day was my video visit with all my girls. I got to see all five of them in one place. For them I am so grateful. I really do miss them, a lot. Especially on holidays like this, it really makes you appreciate your family more. Next year this time I will be home and I plan to really do it big; Kris Jenner style. 

Although we have some cool things planned for tomorrow I still miss the traditional things I do with family and friends. My intention for myself over the next couple of days is to remain grateful and present. To focus on my family here, create memories with them, and to feel the love that is all around me. I pray that my family on the outside will do the same. Although we will not be together physically, they are connected to me in a way that miles couldn’t separate.

Although I do not always give myself a lot of credit, so much has changed since I walked into that gate. Not only do I look different, I feel so much better. Every time I look at my ID Badge, which was taken the first day I arrived, I am reminded of that day. I can see the sadness and pain in my eyes. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. So even if the text was not on the badge stating "INMATE" my eyes alone showed that I was "in prison."

10 am count was delayed as the officers went door to door telling us not to take showers. What we feared was coming to reality. We were about to lose water. After going to the cafe' to get our grab-and-go meals (bologna, pb&j, bread, chips, and two bottles of water) we learned that we may be without water for 14 days or more.

A couple of days ago the unit manager came to our floor and gave us a warning. She stated that she had received numerous complaints about the noise on our floor. She told us that if it continued she was going to move our entire floor to the bus stop. The bus stop is not a real room. It is an open space that houses over 20 inmates. It is wide open and in the middle of the building. It’s called the bus stop because it was never designed to be a permanent space, only a stop until new inmates receive their permanent rooms. Basically, it is the worse place to live in the building. No doors. No privacy. No peace. 

This is not the first time this has occurred since I have been here; a parent learning that their child passed away from suicide. It is actually more frequent than one could imagine. Even when I was telling my bunkie about what happened she told me about another girl on our hall who also lost her child to suicide. 

All day I received birthday wishes via email. I even had a video call with my family and a call with my best friend of over twenty five years. I had love coming from every angle. My 45th may not have been in the ideal place, but it was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Today, I waited to hear the outcome of my daughter's father/co-defendant’s sentencing. It was important to me because this is something that directly impacts my young child. My mind raced as I thought about how I would one day have to explain to her why she no longer received texts or visits from her father; a conversation no mother wants to have with her daughter. My hopes were that I would be returning home before his departure to at least close the gap of time enough to minimize the impact on her. This, however, is not the case. Sadly, my youngest angel will navigate the world for a short period of time with two incarcerated parents.

I was taken back to my Jazzercise days. I thought about why I loved it, and it was because of the instructor I had. She was so into the workout and just had fun. That is what I decided to do. I let all of the judgements and insecurity go and I just went in the moment. It was almost like time stood still. I never even looked up at the clock, I just danced, smiled and taught the participants.