What Would You Do?
What would you do if you were me? An inmate who is about to reenter the world. This was the question I asked a trusted advisor yesterday who has a lot of experience with federal prison. I inquired because I have heard that a lot of people have a hard time initially transitioning back into society. From the "inside" all you think about is getting out. However, I am learning that with this newfound freedom, newfound problems also come.
BORED Out Of My Mind!
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...that is how I feel. Did I mention that I am bored? Lawd, it feels like time is slowing down. I wanted to quit my job in GED teaching. But, I feel like it will only slow my time down even more because I will not have anything to occupy my time.
Your Gifts Will Make Room For You
Over the past few days, I and a few other ladies had the opportunity to work at my second job, culinary events. I love, love, love it! It’s like for a moment I am back on the outside. We are not in our uniforms or grays. We are surrounded by "real" people, not all inmates, and real food. It sounds cheesy, or even harsh, but it’s the truth. For the past two days, we felt normal, like we were on the outside. I personally felt...creative, excited, rejuvenated, and FREE!
ICE ICE Baby
In federal prison, you just never know what to expect from day to day. Well, today was one of those days when the unexpected occurred. One of the young ladies who lives on my hall and works with me in the culinary events job was picked up by ICE. And just like that, she is gone. Wow! It is crazy. You just never know what will happen, who will be here, and who will be gone in a matter of moments.
The Final Countdown
My case manager also resubmitted the request for me to be released to the halfway house today. Although I have received a tentative date (which I am only disclosing to my family and close friends), she is attempting to get me home a little earlier. I did not expect her to do it so soon, and I honestly did not ask her to. She just offered it to me, and I am truly grateful for that. Now, all I can do is pray and wait for a response.
Memorial Day In the Feds
I have spent yet another holiday in federal prison. Luckily, it is one of the last ones. Today was probably the most active Memorial Day I have ever had. I honestly do not remember doing that much on this holiday when I was on the outside.
L To the Rescue
There is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, better than a good, close friend. Especially one that knows you so well that you don't even have to say anything. I guess my blog, emails and just overall conversation lately threw up a distress signal and my L came to the rescue. She wasted to time or resources to jump on a plane and come to KY for an in-person visit. For that, her love, and our friendship, I am so grateful and beyond blessed.
Little Sister
I’m in a room full of people, and yet I feel so alone. This lonely feeling isn't new to me; it has been my way of life growing up as an only child. I was surrounded by my cousins who lived within arms reach of my childhood home, but I was the only grandchild without a sibling. I felt then, and still feel, lonely.
Patience Is A Virtue
More people left today; I think four. More leave later this week and a ton next week. That’s the thing about prison camps; someone is always leaving. Most people here have short sentences, are at the end of their sentences, or have violated. The beauty of people leaving is that you know you are about to leave too.
Health Is Wealth
Today was a busy, but good day. It was busy even though I did not go to work. Mondays are always hit or miss when it comes to work. My boss is off on Mondays and we can never get anyone to open the door for us to hold the class. However, my motto is, "let no time be wasted." I use that free time from work to get in a little more exercise.
A Great Week!
I have slowed down on my blogging. I guess I am either very settled, there isn't much going on, or my new workout regimen has taken over my life. I do know as I approach the final part of this journey I want to be more intentional about documenting the end.
Time Is An Illusion
I was in the hall the other day and another inmate who has done several federal bids asked me when I was leaving. I responded and told her how many days I had left. Her reply to me, which is a common response when people either have a short sentence or when they only have a few days left, "You can do that on your head." I told her it seems like the end of my time is going by so slowly. Then she said something that really hit me.
Terrific Tuesday
I woke up early this morning in order to see my work wife off. She finally left, after 21 months. She was so, so happy. She had a little pep in her step. I can't believe my Gayle is gone. I already miss the fact that I can't just pop up in her room for an impromptu deep-dive conversation. Our boss, well her former boss, came into the classroom later in the day and asked me why I had a sad look on my face. I told him that I missed my friend.
Laser Focused
As the days roll by, it is becoming clearer that my time here is coming to an end. Although it was definitely not an experience that I desired when this all started, I am well aware that it is one that I needed. Throughout this process, I have been extremely selfish and focused on taking care of myself. For that, I am so grateful.
Prison Body
Today, I had a very interesting conversation with someone in the rec (recreation) department after inquiring about whether or not we had or could order resistance bands. I was told that the prison was not allowed to purchase any type of equipment which would increase or build upper body strength. This is because they do not want inmates to get too big and become hard to handle should they need restraining.
One Mile At A Time
This morning, while I was working out, I thought about something my old trainer told me. He said, "you aren't working out, you are training. There is a difference." I have readopted this mantra. I am not "working out" I am training for the next part of my journey. This mindset shift has dictated how I have moved all day.
Today Was A Good Day
Today, I also graduated from electrical class. I am not even going to lie, I have no idea what I am doing. LOL! Actually, I know just enough to be dangerous. There were a total of 10 of us who graduated. This class, like others that I have taken, was just a class for exploration. I have done that a lot here. I allowed myself to explore new things. In exploring electrical work, I realized that it is not for me; it is too technical. I am a creative. Some may say it was a waste of time, but it helped my time pass and I learned more about myself.
I’m Ready to Go!
I am bored and ready to go home. I am also lonely. I’m not lonely in the sense that there are no other people around me, but lonely because I am missing deep intimate connection and conversation.
Scammers Get Scammed
There are also a lot of people who prey on the fear of individuals who have caught cases. They make promises they cannot keep or charge ridiculous amounts of money for services that individuals could do themselves with a little bit of assistance. These so-called "consultants" are, in their own right, scammers and frauds who I believe, in some way, feel justified in defrauding individuals caught up in the federal court system. I was a victim of these predators myself, not once but twice.
A Reflection on Greatness
This morning has been so emotional for me. I have been thinking about greatness. It actually started about two days ago. I have been witnessing and hearing about toxic relationships, withholding of love, etc. Then today I woke up and saw three things that made me reflect on greatness. First, I saw a piece on ESPN about Fisk University's gymnastics team. They are the first HBCU to have one. Then I saw the UCA High School Nationals and the ESPN series on Michael Jordan-The Last Dance.