While waiting in the phone line a girl sat next to me with a song playing. I asked her what the song was and she let me listen to her player. It was T.I.'s song, "You Ain't Missing Nothin." The song brought tears to my eyes. God knew exactly what I needed to reaffirm me.

Yes, there are is some sadness and depression in here. But I am sure that is the case today even in the outside world. There are people who are in the military who aren't home. People who travel for work, play sports, and sadly there are some people who are lying in hospice this morning. There are some people who know they will never spend another Christmas with their family. I AM ALIVE! I AM FREE!

I spent most of my day in my room with my bunkie, White Girl Keisha. After weeks of living with me she finally revealed that she is a writer. And you know anytime I find out that someone has a dream I am all about helping them manifest it. I have been sitting with her for the past two days creating a master plan for her once she is released. Listen, I rightfully earned my line name Master-P. LOL!

Most think this is my first Christmas away from my family. Actually, last year was. After being diagnosed with COVID I decided to post up in a Drury Inn in a nearby town in order to protect the health of my family. Christmas for me consisted of a FaceTime visit and a wave from the driveway. In a strange way I think God was preparing me for this very moment. 

There is this weird thing I have noticed with people. When they get ready to leave they start acting strange. They don't want to tell people their dates, they pull away, and they go into a deep silence. I have witnessed it several times. However, not even finding out her date was a first to me.

As I told the class, I have had every type of business you can think about. Additionally, I have gone through every up and down you can imagine with business. I have had highly successful businesses, businesses that did not launch, I have been sued, I have dealt with tax issues, I have had great staff, I have had HR issues, and lately, I have been to prison over business. My range is wide. The highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. My intention was to bring all of my knowledge, skill, and experience into that classroom. 

Someone asked me how I was managing it all because I seem to be okay. That is true, or at least it is at the moment. I just keep reminding myself that this is temporary and next year, no matter what, I will be home.

She is remorseful for her crime and recognizes that she was driven by the need to maintain the "American Dream." Vice Presidents must have the right car, house, clothes and jewelry. She needed to look the part. That was then, this is now. With a wrist tattoo bearing the word "FREE" she now lives a self-actualized life in which she says is more peaceful than ever before.

Recidivism rates are high. There are so many women who talk about the numerous prison stints that have had. Many are here on violations, others were here ten to fifteen years ago. You see women who did ten years, get out and return within a few months. It is crazy. What is even crazier is that the system is designed to keep you here. There is nothing therapeutic about this environment.

As we headed off campus I could feel myself getting a little anxious. I worried about how the people at the medical office would react to prisoners. We were in full uniform, but luckily it is cold here so my jacket covered my top. As we traveled in the car I got to see a Starbucks, Dairy Queen, and other sightings like a gas station. It’s crazy how you take seeing these things for granted when you see them all the time. When they are not part of your everyday viewing, you pay a little closer attention. 

I know I am in my feelings a little this week because the holidays are approaching. I just want to zip right through them because I want to be at home with my family. Seeing them on the video visit today really made me sad. I hate that my conversations with them are reduced to fifteen-minute phone calls and 25-minute videos. I want to be there. I want to hug and touch them. I want to laugh and cry in person. 

I am doing a lot of reading, planning, praying and contemplating. A part of contemplating is where I want to live when I am released. I am feeling a strong pull to relocate my family to Atlanta. I am not running from anything, but I feel like I need a fresh start. And yes, I know ATL is overcrowded, but there are numerous reasons why that city feels right for me.

I remember my therapist, who was an avid crocheter, told me that if she ever went to prison she was going to still do her. She was still going to crochet and do therapy. That no matter where she was she was going to do her. I believe that is how passion works; it lives, breathes, and resides in you. It is true and therefore it is everlasting. Passion can withstand the test of time and any situation. It can even withstand the walls of prison.

After my moment of being upset about the move, I reminded myself that life does not happen TO ME, it happens THROUGH ME. I, therefore, sat in contemplation trying to ascertain what the move was about. Why did God move me to another room, which is literally around the corner? What was the separation about?

Today, when I received some of the responses from the people in the group who responded on my behalf regarding the article posted, I was overwhelmed. I spent so much time hiding and being ashamed. I was afraid of what this case would do to my reputation and the brands that I built. As it turns out, the very people I was worried about are the ones standing beside me. Listen, if you did not know, my people do not play about me. God does not play about me. Touch NOT thine anointed one! 

On this journey, I have been blessed to meet some pretty unique and interesting people. One who happens to be one of my students. She has grown to become my teacher's pet. An unsuspecting nerd masked with a tomboy exterior and a “don't give a fuck” attitude. However, behind this exterior there lies a Shakespeare-reading daughter of a published poet who kept the legacy of her love for poetry in the dark, even from her mother.

If you found your way here because of BGC...Welcome! I knew that eventually you would make it to the inside. #BGC4L

I learned from my therapist that "everyone does not have the right to sit at your table; I get to choose." That lesson has been very valuable for me since being here. I have stood in that knowing more now than ever.

As I watched them I thought about when I used to work with the kids at church with dance and how there are so many little girls out there who need these women. Their talents and skills are being contained and locked down. The thought of it all made me sad. I then had to remind myself that this, prison, is a part of their journey and that it will make them so much more powerful once they return.

Every time I call home or check an email my mother is telling me something funny about my Ness. She is growing up so fast. This week has been particularly entertaining. It started off with her receiving a pansexual flag from a classmate. She initially thought it meant that you liked people because of their personality and not because of their sex. After a little research on Google she realized that "like" was not quite what she thought it was and she likes boys like her older sisters.